Teddy Bear in Transition

We find ourselves in a strange state of transition- moving from one country (Tanzania) to another country (South Sudan) with the current country (Kenya) as a stepping-stone. Three countries. Three cultures. Three sets of people to meet, to greet and to farewell.

I have been looking into a helpful book, "Families on The Move" (by Marion Knell) as a reference guide for us as a family in this stage of moving. There are frequent references in the book to "TCKs"- a term used to describe "Third Culture kids": a rough description is a child who has lived/ is living in a culture other than their parents' culture, despite having passports for their parent's countries. However, the child does not have citizenship or ownership of any of the countries they actually live in. They may have little memory of their parents' culture/s.

This term, TCK, can be used to describe our children.  Our children have been born in either England or South Africa. They have an English mum and a South African dad. Although 2 of them have lived in South Africa, they were too young to remember it. They have very little knowledge of everyday life in England, as it is mainly a short-term or holiday destination for them. They have mostly lived in Tanzania and identify with this country most strongly as "home", but they are not Tanzanian citizens, nor are they very similar culturally to most Tanzanians that we know. Now they live in Kenya but are not Kenyan! When we move again, they will make a home in yet another country but not be fully part of its people or its customs. Home is where the family is currently living, yet the sense of loss in moving from one place to another and leaving one home, leaving their friends and leaving all that is familiar can be painful.

 I read in the above book that a TCK can find the experience of changing countries, "stressful", with typical feelings of "loss and grief". The book states, "losing home, friends... identity is like a bereavement, especially as it may involve (moving from) a place to which they never have the chance to return."

One of the coping strategies in this grieving period that our children adopted (independently of us) was to suddenly hold onto a familiar teddy. This teddy became an  inseparable object, providing a sense of security and consistency when all else around them was Change.
Two weeks before we left Tanzania, we noticed that Esther was suddenly becoming very attached to one of her teddies. She has never been one to especially play with teddies, so it was very noticeable to us. Of course, Ben followed his big sister's lead and chose his cuddly alien (called "Muzzy") as the one thing that he did not want to be parted from! Teddy and Muzzy now had to go everywhere with Esther and Ben, all through those difficult days of moving countries. And I mean everywhere!

Spot-the-teddy: on arrival in the airport in Kenya, after the sad Dodoma goodbyes:

 

Each day, Teddy was carefully dressed. She (Esther is insistent that Teddy is a girl) came out and about wherever we went, had her own seat in the car and was tucked up carefully in bed next to our daughter each night!

Imagine the stress when Teddy and Muzzy were not allowed into the classrooms at their new school! It was through my children's tears and with my best powers of persuasion that I had to extract Teddy and Muzzy from tightly closed, hugging arms! I promised, of course, to look after them well, even giving them lunch in our then-new Nairobi home. I had to present proof of this in photo-form at the end of the school day:

It was a very unhappy Esther who struggled through the move from Tanzania. And yet her teddy became a very special part of the healing process, as a familiar "face" from the life she had just left behind.
Over the past couple of months, we have gone from this sad, lost little girl...

...to a more recognisable, energetic Esther, but one who was still depending on Teddy as her faithful friend and companion (a very faithful Teddy indeed, to endure being thrown up in the air like Dad's aeroplane!):

 Now we have moved to a recent awareness that Teddy has become rather lonely:

Finally, I notice that Teddy and Muzzy are not with us on every car journey. They are no longer sitting at our meal tables. They do not come on every little outing to the shops, on the school run, to church, to a cafe visit.
It can only be a good sign! I'm so relieved -and happy- to say that our children now feel secure enough to manage without their cuddly friends from Dodoma. The worst of the grieving is over for their familiar life in Tanzania. The children are adapting well to Kenya. This gives us a good place to start looking forward to our move to Juba!
As the children go back to school next week for a final term at Braeburn, I will be busy starting the next stage of our preparations to pack up and move on again. And I will do so with a smile, knowing that my children are happier and have managed their first phase of transition through 3 countries, with the help of a soft, green alien and a large, cuddly Teddy!