Teddy Bear in Transition

We find ourselves in a strange state of transition- moving from one country (Tanzania) to another country (South Sudan) with the current country (Kenya) as a stepping-stone. Three countries. Three cultures. Three sets of people to meet, to greet and to farewell.

I have been looking into a helpful book, "Families on The Move" (by Marion Knell) as a reference guide for us as a family in this stage of moving. There are frequent references in the book to "TCKs"- a term used to describe "Third Culture kids": a rough description is a child who has lived/ is living in a culture other than their parents' culture, despite having passports for their parent's countries. However, the child does not have citizenship or ownership of any of the countries they actually live in. They may have little memory of their parents' culture/s.

This term, TCK, can be used to describe our children.  Our children have been born in either England or South Africa. They have an English mum and a South African dad. Although 2 of them have lived in South Africa, they were too young to remember it. They have very little knowledge of everyday life in England, as it is mainly a short-term or holiday destination for them. They have mostly lived in Tanzania and identify with this country most strongly as "home", but they are not Tanzanian citizens, nor are they very similar culturally to most Tanzanians that we know. Now they live in Kenya but are not Kenyan! When we move again, they will make a home in yet another country but not be fully part of its people or its customs. Home is where the family is currently living, yet the sense of loss in moving from one place to another and leaving one home, leaving their friends and leaving all that is familiar can be painful.

 I read in the above book that a TCK can find the experience of changing countries, "stressful", with typical feelings of "loss and grief". The book states, "losing home, friends... identity is like a bereavement, especially as it may involve (moving from) a place to which they never have the chance to return."

One of the coping strategies in this grieving period that our children adopted (independently of us) was to suddenly hold onto a familiar teddy. This teddy became an  inseparable object, providing a sense of security and consistency when all else around them was Change.
Two weeks before we left Tanzania, we noticed that Esther was suddenly becoming very attached to one of her teddies. She has never been one to especially play with teddies, so it was very noticeable to us. Of course, Ben followed his big sister's lead and chose his cuddly alien (called "Muzzy") as the one thing that he did not want to be parted from! Teddy and Muzzy now had to go everywhere with Esther and Ben, all through those difficult days of moving countries. And I mean everywhere!

Spot-the-teddy: on arrival in the airport in Kenya, after the sad Dodoma goodbyes:

 

Each day, Teddy was carefully dressed. She (Esther is insistent that Teddy is a girl) came out and about wherever we went, had her own seat in the car and was tucked up carefully in bed next to our daughter each night!

Imagine the stress when Teddy and Muzzy were not allowed into the classrooms at their new school! It was through my children's tears and with my best powers of persuasion that I had to extract Teddy and Muzzy from tightly closed, hugging arms! I promised, of course, to look after them well, even giving them lunch in our then-new Nairobi home. I had to present proof of this in photo-form at the end of the school day:

It was a very unhappy Esther who struggled through the move from Tanzania. And yet her teddy became a very special part of the healing process, as a familiar "face" from the life she had just left behind.
Over the past couple of months, we have gone from this sad, lost little girl...

...to a more recognisable, energetic Esther, but one who was still depending on Teddy as her faithful friend and companion (a very faithful Teddy indeed, to endure being thrown up in the air like Dad's aeroplane!):

 Now we have moved to a recent awareness that Teddy has become rather lonely:

Finally, I notice that Teddy and Muzzy are not with us on every car journey. They are no longer sitting at our meal tables. They do not come on every little outing to the shops, on the school run, to church, to a cafe visit.
It can only be a good sign! I'm so relieved -and happy- to say that our children now feel secure enough to manage without their cuddly friends from Dodoma. The worst of the grieving is over for their familiar life in Tanzania. The children are adapting well to Kenya. This gives us a good place to start looking forward to our move to Juba!
As the children go back to school next week for a final term at Braeburn, I will be busy starting the next stage of our preparations to pack up and move on again. And I will do so with a smile, knowing that my children are happier and have managed their first phase of transition through 3 countries, with the help of a soft, green alien and a large, cuddly Teddy!

Nightmare in Nairobi

It happened a couple of weeks ago: I had my first nightmare about moving to Juba! Although we are excited about joining the MAF team there, I have to be honest and admit that it is a little daunting when I think about the security issues.
My subconscious must be working overtime trying to process some of the potential risks; the outcome was a rather dramatic, horrible dream. In the nightmare, I was trying to shepherd my children away from drunken soldiers in dark army uniforms. They were shooting randomly and shouting incoherently. I was most relieved to wake up safely in my bed and to see that my family was safe!

We have heard from friends that there is very little on the British news about events within SS. However, this does not mean that the suffering and turmoil have gone away. On the contrary, unrest continues, but it has become "old news". It seems it is no longer sensational enough to make headlines in England, as with so many countries where problems persist but are no longer reported. Ongoing issues can lose their "novelty value" as international news stories.

As we wait in Nairobi for our move to our next MAF programme, we receive daily updates via a United Nations information forum based in SS. These updates can make unsettling reading! On the plus side, Juba itself has been calm and the MAF team there have been operating as normal. This is reassuring.

The issue of security is one which we are also very conscious of in Nairobi. When we arrived here, I felt overwhelmed by the security briefings I was given. There are so many threats to consider- a stark contrast to tranquil Dodoma! Recent events and current affairs in Kenya can make me feel disturbed. It is strange to live in a city where appealing shopping centres and tourist attractions become places to avoid at weekends and peak times, due to possible threats of large-scale violence.

In our Nairobi home, the burglar bars on our windows and heavy-duty security doors serve as visual reminders to be vigilant against all-too-frequent crime.

 The fact that we live in a street enclosed behind a large gate, complete with sharp spikes, is a further reminder of the risks in a potentially volatile city. Guards are on duty 24/7, opening the gates carefully to those they recognise. When friends visit or a taxi is ordered, we have to remember to alert the guards in advance, so that they let the visitors in to our street!

Hopefully, there will be no more nightmares, but I would rather have a bad dream than an actual real-life crisis! Recently, our attention has been drawn to Psalm 121- a great passage to reassure and to spur us on with our journey as we work with MAF, wherever that journey may take us. 

The School Move

What a contrast between the school Esther and Ben went to in Dodoma and the one they have been attending in Nairobi.

Six days after arriving on Kenyan soil, Esther and Ben were thrust into a strange new world of school in the busy city of Nairobi. The change of school and the new system proved to be a huge, difficult challenge. For the first few weeks, I battled my children's tears, tantrums and even running-away-to-hide tactics on most school mornings.
It was hard for my children to accept that they had to go to school here. The original plan was to home-school in Juba but, suddenly, we found ourselves in Nairobi for longer. Just 3 days before we left Tanzania, Esther and Ben discovered that they would actually be going to a new school.
Intimidating news for anyone.
Even more intimidating when you are not expecting it! They barely had time to process the idea before walking into a classroom full of strangers, in a country that still felt brand new.

Many were the mornings when I drove back to our Nairobi home after stressful partings at classroom doors, tears streaming down my face, wondering if we were doing the right thing sending them to this new school so soon into their move to a new country. It hurts a mother's heart to see her children so upset and struggling.

Happily, nine school weeks later, Esther and Ben have finally settled into a rhythm and are happy to attend Braeburn School. We are so glad we persisted! It is an excellent school. The academic progress they are now making is wonderful to see.
Ben positively bounces into class each day!He comes home full of news and stories of all he has been doing with his classmates and teacher. He has presented us with a model of a castle and art work galore that he is proud to have made in class.
Esther comes home with a huge smile. She talks about Ancient Greeks and drama lessons, doing fractions with chocolate bars (that she can later eat!), lessons in Literacy where they learn about instructions by making popcorn (and, of course, later eating it!!). She even enjoys her Wednesday French classes, despite a rocky start! She is enjoying netball in Games Lessons- which is far more to her preference than the hockey lessons that she hated in February!
They both have kind, supportive teachers and are gradually making friends that they feel comfortable with.

These are some of the contrasts Esther and Ben have had to adapt to on the schooling front:

Dodoma                                                                                          Nairobi

No uniform and they rarely wore their shoes!        School uniform, PE kit uniform, shoes + socks

School finished at 2pm after a 07:40 start             School finishes at 3:30pm, after starting at 8:05am

One class per year group                                     Three classes per year group; so many people!

Class mates mostly Tanzanian, with Swahili            Vast international student body;
as their 1st language, which meant a slower            learning is faster paced
pace of learning, necessary                                    and expectations are higher
to accommodate the majority.

School bus with good friends: 10 mins max          Car journey with Terrifed Driver Mum,
                                                                           through traffic jams + scary roads!
                                                                           Journey time depends on traffic:
                                                                           can be 20 mins or up to an hour!

Lighter homework amount                                   Homework much heavier
                                                                           and less time at home to do it!

Sporting events few and far between                    More emphasis on Games and Sports.
                                                                           Joel +I have spent several afternoons
                                                                           watching E+ B in sports events!

Christian school with strong teaching of               Secular school. E +B miss Class Devotions,           Christian values                                                  Assemblies, Bible teaching + class prayers,
                                                                         which made them feel secure
                                                                         and very much cared for in Dodoma.

Fewer facilities for children to use.                      Well resourced private city school.
The much drier climate meant                              The rainy climate lends itself to the
that the sports area                                             vast, green sports field.
was a dusty, hard surface,                                   There is also more wealth in the school;              
exposed to Dodoma's hot sun.                            the music, computer, theatre facilities                                                                                                             are evidence of this.
                                                                          There is even an on-site cafe for parents!

It is just a different world, but one which our kids had to adapt to very soon into their transition.

Here are a few pictures...

1st Day at Braeburn:

Swimming Galas, complete with delicious, free refreshments for spectator parents! Here comes Ben:

Ben's super effort with backstroke!

World Book Day- kids in costume for a fun day of literacy activities: Here are The Gruffalo and Dorothy!

Esther, after finishing 20th out of 50 in her year-group Girl's Cross Country last Thursday:

 Ready for International Day last Friday: a fun school day of International activities: Esther represents Tanzania (with Joel as support) in her kanga dress, made in Dodoma. Ben represents England!

Ben took English cucumber sandwiches for the International Food Festival in the afternoon!

The International parade:

The food tents, with flags from many nations, where many languages could be heard as parents and families from all over the world congregate at this very international Nairobi school:

Ben poses with his class display of India while Little Brother looks admiringly at Big Brother!

It is a huge blessing to have this schooling opportunity in Nairobi, as I start to prepare more seriously for Home Schooling.  I think Home School will be our best option in Juba for the next academic year. It will be sad to take our children out of Braeburn after so much effort has gone into helping them settle there!
However, we are en-route for Juba. Nairobi is a temporary stop for us. If all stays calm in Juba, we should be on our way there from early July, at the end of Esther and Ben's academic year. While we are here, we will do our best to make the most of the education opportunities Nairobi has to offer!

Three

Joel is three!
It is fun opening presents, some of them all the way from England!

Despite not yet knowing many people in Nairobi, we had a lovely time celebrating his third birthday, with cake and snacks in the garden during the sunny afternoon.
We were pleased that a friend, Kay, from London could be with us on Joel's birthday weekend and also some friends from Dodoma who are staying in Nairobi for a few weeks. They are here to await the birth of their 5th child at a well reputed Nairobi hospital, so it was great to catch up with them and their 4 children. It was also fun for Esther, Ben + Joel to spend time with their Dodoma friends!
Joel had a star cake (which required extra research to bake, as the high altitude in Nairobi changes the way cakes cook in the oven!!), decorated by his brother and sister. He was a bit shy with all the attention, but Dad's shoulder was a good place to hide while everyone sang, "Happy Birthday"!!

Time for cake and snacks...

..and a snapshot with Kay and the birthday boy in our Nairobi backyard:

Nice memories of a happy day! :-)

News from Nairobi

Life in Nairobi is so very different from our life in Tanzania!

One of the big things is that we really feel the busy-ness of Nairobi, being the bustling city that it is. The pace of life is so much faster than we are used to after Dodoma. I barely have time to sit at my computer to update "Living in Limbo"!
We feel rather like country bumpkins who have landed here from a different planet that was far less developed. We are struggling to get used to the bright lights and busy roads of a real capital city, as opposed to Dodoma which was only ever a capital city in name and by virtue of having a Parliament building. In every other way, Dodoma was slow-paced, peaceful, with little traffic and not much in the way of places to go or entertainment.
In contrast, I now seem to spend a fair bit of time sitting in my car, alternatively (depending on my mood) trying to enjoy the sights of Nairobi while stuck in traffic OR fighting off the frustration of being stuck in a hot metal box surrounded by a multitude of other vehicles!
Last week, I took these pictures. Our home is just a stone's throw away on the left...but I can't get there until everyone else moves!

Behind me, the traffic just keeps building up:

This is Saturday morning; we are hemmed in on every side!

Despite the heavy city traffic, we are discovering that Nairobi does have its advantages. There is plenty to do in Nairobi to provide entertainment, with lots of scope for family outings. It is amazing for us to have access to so many facilities after the acute lack of them in Dodoma! We want to make the best of this while we are here, so we have been out and about on some fun family outings on Saturdays...such as...

1. Our visit to the Giraffe Centre, where you can stand up on a tall platform to feed the giraffes by hand, dropping cereal pellets onto their long, black, sticky tongues!

 

 It was amazing to get so close to these graceful creatures!

2. Another Saturday and this day's outing was to the Elephant Orphanage:

Initially unimpressed, even Ben could not fail to be charmed by our very close encounter with these gorgeous baby elephants! Seeing these abandoned babies being bottle-fed was a moving moment:

These young elephants are cared for after being discovered in the wild. Often their mothers have fallen victim to the wicked crime of poaching. Baby elephants cannot survive without their mothers. They need to be bottle-fed for 3 years and then they begin a slow programme to get them ready to move back into the wild. We were inspired by the fantastic work of the Sheldrick voluntary trust, helping these gentle giants survive in a harsh world.
It was incredible to get so close to the elephants...

 ... we even got to stroke a couple of the calves!

 We watched, enchanted, as they drank...

 ...and played:

We got a bit dirt-stained by flying mud-splats as these cute calves happily splashed in their waterhole! Our muddy decorations served as a little reminder of a great day out!

 

3. Last Saturday, we headed out for a wonderful walk (or bike-ride for Ben and Joel, who opted to take their bikes) at Nairobi's Karura Forest. We walked 5 and a half miles and everyone enjoyed the exercise in beautiful surroundings!

We enjoyed the pretty butterflies and loved the rushing waterfall and tall, shady trees:

It is a treat to be able to access these special places. The best thing is, there are still lots of other outings on the list of places we have yet to explore in Nairobi! Since we now think that we will be here until at least July, I had better get out my diary and start planning ahead to fit these in before our possible July departure to Juba!

Nervous in Nairobi

Driving in Nairobi is proving to be a terrifying experience! BUT I am out there doing what I have to do, getting on with the driving in order to get around this big city. Here's the proof... although the picture does not do justice to the fear and trembling I am feeling as I drive nervously around Nairobi!

So what makes me so nervous to drive in Nairobi? Well, here a few factors:

• The huge number of cars on the roads here has increased faster than the infrastructure, meaning that roads are crowded and poorly equipped for the volume of heavy traffic. There are multiple traffic jams up and down Nairobi's hilly roads.
• Nairobi's high crime rate. I hear of car-jacking incidents, theft through car windows (one lady we know of had her necklace snatched off her neck as she sat in stationary traffic with the car window wound down), hold-up situations where armed gun-men on the street demand money, bags and jewelry from motorists while pointing guns at the car (I heard that one of these incidents happened last week not far from the children's school). 

I have been briefed that it is always best to drive with all windows up, all doors locked and never to stop for so-called "emergencies" on the roadside. The first week that we were here, I saw a lady apparently having an epileptic fit on the road, with another lady bending over here looking very concerned. Unsure what to do, I phoned another local MAF lady. Her advice?

"Never stop! This is a very common scam. It could be an ambush to get you to stop. If you do, the criminals will jump into your car for a car-jacking". 

ARGH!!! What a terrible thought! Especially when Joel is almost certainly going to be belted into his car-seat. I don't even want to think about what the possible consequences of that could be...

• Lack of respect for road rules. Not much different from driving in Tanzania in that area! Here is a shot of my drive to school with Esther and Ben one drizzly Nairobi morning:

 I am second in a line of cars trying to turn right from a single-carriageway onto Nairobi's very busy Gitanga Road. Two cars in the queue behind me obviously got fed up with waiting in line! Instead, they have jumped the queue- one car to the right of me and one to the left, driving up the muddy pavement!
The car to my right has now blocked the right hand lane on our road, meaning that another vehicle on Gitanga Road is unable to turn into our road and is forced to wait, stuck in the middle of the heavy traffic on Gitanga Road, creating a worse blockage!
 Meanwhile, there seemed to be a problem with the minibus, which was holding up traffic too. You can see a man in dark red clothes who hopped into the centre of the road to do some impromptu directing of traffic to try and clear up the tangle of cars! When I eventually edged forward to take my chances on my right-hand turn, he kept hammering on my bonnet to get me to follow his directives, but I am also advised that it is best to make my own decisions to get through these messy traffic muddles.
At least all this drama makes the school run interesting, even if it adds to journey time and to my stress levels!

• Lack of road markings. Several 4-way junctions that I am obliged to use when getting to shops or to school have absolutely no markings, no traffic lights, no round-about, but there are so many cars each trying to get through; to the left, to the right or straight. Not everyone indicates. For me, these junctions are knee-wobbling moments in my Nairobi driving experience! It is a test of sheer aggression to push through the other cars to get to the side you are aiming for, mixed with the need to be highly alert to where other motorists may be headed! Last Thursday, I saw 3 car accidents at 3 different junctions before noon! The cars involved had all been bumped by cars coming from another direction. This does not exactly fill me with confidence as I brace myself for each new junction challenge!

• Just when I was celebrating the fact that I was out and about in the car, I came back down to earth with a literal bump, as I realised the extent of Nairobi's pot-holes! Here's a couple of minor ones outside Esther and Ben's new school:

I am nervous about getting a puncture or breaking down with all these pot-holes- the last thing I want to do with a car full of children on congested city roads, with opportunist robbers apparently lurking around every corner!!

• Traffic police are often out in force looking for opportunities to book motorists for driving offences. If I inadvertently offend, I could end up in jail for a few hours and then in court to plead my case. Last week, our American neighbour was arrested for doing a U-turn on a main road and a Swiss MAF colleague arrested and hand-cuffed for changing lanes on a roundabout! That scares me!

To counter the nerves and to keep on driving, I have been given some sound advice about driving here. The first one is my favourite!

1. Drive like you're the only driver who is sober
2. Stay on high alert- check mirrors, check mirrors, check mirrors ( for motorbikes over or under-taking, men pushing trolleys, cyclists and pedestrians, as well as other usual vehicles or even the odd horse or camel we have spotted on the roads here!)
3. In traffic jams, stop your car a few feet away from the vehicle in front: enough space to be able to get out if you need to but not enough to let an unscrupulous driver push in front of you! It's a tough one to judge...
4. Be nice, be polite but be careful what you say to traffic officers if they stop you - and swot up on Kenyan road laws! Keep all your relevant documents to hand.

So much to remember! So many hazards! It's scary, but it's necessary to drive in this city, so here's hoping that the nerves and trembling ease off over time!!

New in Nairobi

So here we are in Nairobi.

And here is a view of our new home and the gated street in which we are living...
The Yellow House- our Nairobi town-house home:

The MAF compound view from our front door. Our door opens onto a sea of concrete with a distant vista of the heavy locked gate at the end of the mini-street, barbed wire, electricity wires and tall buildings!

Out the back, we have a little yard with a shady patio...

 ...and a tall banana tree which was laden with almost-ripe bananas until last Saturday, when Andrew decided to harvest them. Here are the harvesting action shots...

Down come the bananas, crashing through the leaves and creating a heavy hazard as they pick up speed on their ground-ward flight...

Having some bananas from the tree in our garden made me feel a little bit like we are still living in Africa. Other aspects of life here do not feel anything like the Africa we came to know and love in Tanzania. Nairobi is a well developed, cosmopolitan city with a high crime threat and with an easy availability of goods we only dreamed about when we lived in Dodoma. In many ways, it is the opposite of Dodoma! It is a tough adjustment for us to a very different type of African living.

There are other obvious differences too- look at the beds in our house:

 It was startling to come into a house where beds DO NOT HAVE MOSQUITO- NETS!!! Apparently, there is very little malaria in Nairobi, partly because of its high altitude. This is very different from Dodoma, where a mosquito net is a necessity and becomes a part of the whole bed-time routine.

However, having said that, there are still mosquitoes! Their midnight whining is incredibly frustrating as they fly low over sleepy ears. I am getting a bit fed up with their rude awakenings in the wee small hours! First there is the sound of the low whine... then the lights go on, bursting into my consciousness. Next, Andrew's mozzie-chase begins, which starts by Andrew flapping about the room brandishing a cloth to swat the little monsters, jumping over the bed, muttering as they escape the swatting implement... and then finally, "victory!" as they are duly caught and squashed! Peaceful darkness resumes and sleep seems so wonderfully close again... until... bzzzzzz- it all starts over again!! I have to say that I am sitting in Nairobi wishing that I had packed our mozzie net in our suitcase!! Instead, it is sitting in one of our boxes in Dodoma, all packed up for Juba!! I may just have to drive down to one of Nairobi's many shopping centres and invest in a new net- but driving in Nairobi is a whole new challenge for me and not one that I am relishing! I think I will write more about that new challenge on my next blog entry...

Limbo Land

Until December 15th 2013, we fully expected that, by the end of February, we would be on our way to our new home in Juba, South Sudan. But December 15th marked the sad date when fighting broke out in the world's newest nation.

Since then, we have been strongly advised that now is not the time to take a young family into Juba! So we find ourselves living temporarily in Nairobi. Here, Andrew can work alongside MAF Kenya with the possibility of flying into South Sudan as a Kenya-based pilot, once his air-law exams are passed and his caravan flying hours are at the required level.

We are not sure how long "temporary" means. Looking at BBC news is disheartening. Conflict continues and the situation in South Sudan remains too volatile for us to move into, but judging when exactly will be the "right time" is going to be difficult.

In the meantime, we will remain in Kenya- living in a strange state of limbo, not sure how long we will be here, how settled we should get, how much effort we should put into joining in events in Nairobi.

Most of our belongings are still stored in Dodoma. Our temporary house in Nairobi is kitted out with borrowed MAF housing equipment, which is useful to have and many of the kitchen items are lovely and shiny and new. However, I miss those extra home comforts...such as lamp-shades on the glaring light bulbs suspended above our heads, a doormat to prevent muddy footprints, our rugs to take the chill off the cold floor and cushions to relax a little on the rather hard MAF sofa! I miss our own familiar bedding, our pictures and family photos which would brighten up the bare, white-bland walls of this rented house. The children miss their toys and books and Joel keeps asking for his sand-pit from the Dodoma garden! It is hard to know how many home-based items we should go out and buy and then sell on later, or should we rather just wait until our own goods get here? First, Andrew must get a Kenya work permit in order to import goods and secondly, we must decide whether our boxes should come here to Nairobi or be flown direct to Juba- if we are to move there anytime in the next few months?

So this is an unusual time, with many questions that cannot yet be answered. So for this period, my blog is named to reflect the life we are living right now as we wait, on hold, in Nairobi- a land of limbo for us!